M.E. mid-Winter Blues

To anyone out there who wonders where Mother Earth has been…truth is I got swallowed by a big hole. Winter here in the north can be a bit different. It started with my hair falling out, one thin stand at a time. I figured it was stress. Feeling I the need to get out…meet people…I took a cross country ski lesson. I was not very good at it. I fell backward & dislocated my radius. Oddly enough I did meet people-nice ones. My scheduled yoga class occurred the night after I did this. I figured teaching with a dislocated bone, would really drive home the fact that one does not need to be perfect to do yoga. Only two people showed…the right two people. These towns are so connected & so small, everyone knows everything about everyone. Getting approval from the right two meant that my classes would be accepted. It meant I could release my breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. I’m beginning to feel like myself again…I’m beginning to feel home here.

Mother Earth

sometimes when you live in the woods…the woods come to live with you

Last night the sky stormed.

and a small bat found its lodging…

Right outside on our window.

Never has this happened.

Today…People are coming to view

this house for sale.

It feels like creatures are saying farewell.

Blog about creating Tanka Poems…

I’ve written quite a bit of what I call Tanka Poetry.  A friend of mine recently exposed me to the fact that it is not just about syllabification.  So I did some research and found an explanation that is simple enough for me to follow…..not simple to do, but simple to understand.  So I like a challenge & will attempt to make adjustments.

“Poet Jeanne Emrich, for Tanka Online, suggests that you start a tanka by choosing a moment in time you wish to express and describe it in two short lines. Add lines through careful reflection on the subject and utilize the third line to pivot from description of the subject to feelings about the subject. Constrain the poem to 31 syllables or fewer”

Mother Earth

of mice & women-blog

Whoever said, “I think mice are rather nice…”, Never had to live with them.

I now know it was the poet Rose Fyleman, but I’m sticking to my original statement

I live in the backwoods of Kentucky and I know the mice out number us at least, 20,000 to one.

My husband, Kevin & I moved into a house which had been “vacant” for a couple of years. A cool cabin which was partially finished, we lived in the basement while completing the rest of the house. That’s when I realized that not only were we living in the woods, but the woods were living with us.

Mice are truly annoying but, we do occasionally get a bit of entertainment from them. One such time I was eagerly waiting for my friends from Florida to arrive. The weather had been delightfully cool and the night before I left the sliding glass doors open with just the screens to protect from bugs. Hailing from FL it was heaven to feel the cool air at night, even in June. I couldn’t wait for my friends to arrive and enjoy this. The next day I frantically cleaned for their arrival. My friend, Nancy, called regularly to let me know their progress. Each time I slowed down enough to talk on the phone, I’d see small movements on the floor. That’s when I realized I’d let in more than cool air the night before. I decided to let her know she might be sharing a room, when I saw the critter run into the guest bedroom. “Oh that’s OK, I’m not afraid of mice”, Nancy replied. Good I thought they can help me get them out. Just at that moment I saw what appeared to be a huge round dust ball scoot across the floor. It had eyes and a small tail. Oh boy, babies. I decided to chalk it up to -when you live in the woods, don’t be surprised if there are wild things living there.

Late that afternoon my friends arrived, mice were firmly forgotten. Nancy and I curled up on the sofa excitedly chatting, while John, her husband, unpacked the car. We were seated fairly close together. All of a sudden I glanced down and saw the “fuzz ball”,

right between us, as if it wanted to join the fun. I really didn’t want to alarm my friend. So I said, in what I thought was a calm voice, “Nancy, just do what I say-stand up”. I guess my voice was too calm. Nancy became alarmed and instead of standing up she put her feet up off the floor. Now this would not have been much of a problem, except Nancy was wearing a short skort outfit. The “fuzz ball” also became alarmed with all the commotion and darted for what it thought would be a safe haven. Nancy stood up then- dancing. The tiny mouse then thrown to the floor, bolted for the nearest door.

John coming in the door ran over scooped up the mouse and took him down to the end of the drive. I believe the mouse beat him back. Alas, “The best plans of mice and men often go awry.” (Robert Burns) Perhaps living with mice is annoying, but every now & then,the drama sometimes makes up for it.

Mother Earth

After A.T. Blog-Weight Management

I’m an avid reader.  I’m reading “wild” by Cheryl Strayed.  I wanted to read it before I see the movie.  I was curious if she went hiking for the same reason I hiked.  It’s early in this book; she has just started the Pacific Crest Trail, here she explains why she chose to hike; “I had to change, not to a different person, but back to the person I use to be”.  This certainly rings a bell.

People hike for many different reasons.  I saw plenty of people who were there strictly for the strenuous exercise.  I know a few who do yoga for the same reason.  I began this hike not only for the exercise, but for peace of mind.  My life seemed empty.  I wished to change everything.  So I chose to change nothing & walk.

During my brief hike, much to my surprise I became aware of how really good my life is, how lucky I am to have what I have.  The physical exertion whittled away the “fat of discontent”.

Now a month later I find myself slipping back, into old ways, of wanting to over indulge, to make up for something I think is lacking.  I have tried repeatedly to run or take even a vigorous walk on my treadmill.  Each time I do this both of my knees complain in a voice I have no choice but to listen to.

So where does this put me? I can slip back, use my knees as an excuse to wallow in unhappiness, or I can accept it & move on.

This brings me to my yoga practice. My guru always suggested to do our practice 6&6…that’s 6:00 AM & 6PM. I have never followed this advice. I believe it is time.

Mother Earth

After A.T blog-lesson about sleep

Before I took my hike on the AT. I took an over the counter sleeping pill to help me sleep. I have done this for years. For a while this worked, calmed and kept me sleeping through the night. Then, my body adjusted to this medication & I felt I needed more to sleep well. I felt out of control. I was ready to let go of bad habits, return to a more natural pattern of living, that’s why I choose to hike.

Sleeping on the trail, was tough. One would think after a hike that one’s body would be so tired sleep would occur. I can’t say for me it happened. My hiking buddy & I choose sleeping mats we could also use as yoga mats. On the trail almost everyone had air mats. I’m old enough to remember camping with air mattress that were not nice. Moonbow, a really sweet young woman, cured me of any misconceptions. She touted how comfortable and warm her air mattress was. She let me try her mat. Whoa-how nice, like sleeping on a cloud.

Sleep really did not happen for me till I slept in our 1^st hotel room. The room was damp, and the bed was not particularly comfy, but I slept soundly all night. It occurred to me that perhaps being comfortable, having just the right temperature, a perfect “not too soft, not too hard” bed, is not necessarily the key to a good night’s sleep. So what is?

Walking out of the woods, any hiker feels a bit disconnected with all the noise of “normal” life. Dazed by how fast everyone & everything are moving. Funny, but I felt like I’d been to a heavy duty yoga seminar. I felt calm, not concerned with anything.

That’s when I begin to sleep well.

I resolved to stay off pills, get enough exercise, drink enough water, and lay off caffeine & alcohol, and get outside a few hours-every day.

It works.

M.E.

poetry poem & blog

poetry comes from

thin air, the water or it

might manifest from

within one’s soul-everyone

has vast untapped resources

Leroy Pudd

I think it’s important to blog a little about poetry. I have always loved poetry-thus it is not a surprise to me that I write it. I’ve found even when reading “epic poems” I find a small section that speaks to me.  As a teacher, I used poetry to connect our studies of science & social studies to our study of our language. Haiku or Diamante, most of the time, were the easiest to use. Firing the kids up on a subject, then giving them the opportunity to express their thoughts produced many beautiful writings. I thought all those years ago that I did it for them….it turns out it served me well too.

One can’t truly teach without learning.

Now I find myself using Haiku & Tanka. Tanka gives me a few more syllables to express my thoughts, but not so many I can be careless with word choice. Writing every day I now call myself a poet. I know that they’re not all “good” to my readers, but they’re all “good” to me to keep my mind fresh- flexible.

It also serves as a way to vent. Another art for my therapy.

Leroy Pudd/ Mother Earth

Deafness-Accepting Sound Blog

I’m beginning to accept sound into my life-again. It’s not easy. What was easy before, sitting with people-watching expressions, not having to participate, is now difficult. Now I can hear most of the conversations…conversations I use to dance through, now I find I have not much to say….I’ve been disconnected for so long.

That sounds awful…funny choice of words… but it is the way I’ve been for a long time. I’m very connected to nature. It has been easier to go outside & watch…rather than watch movies or TV. I read voraciously. I have for 40 yrs. I think reading has kept me from losing my mind.

What is easier is doing daily excursions. Now I can go order coffee without fear. Yesterday I enjoyed a small conversation with a cashier at Penny’s. Before I had to count on my husband to field the conversations. Many times I’d start a conversation & he would have to jump in and finish it for me. Then, typically, I would fade away like a ghost.

So I guess tying this is helping me organize my thoughts-helping me understand what appears to be unwarranted frustration. I feel like a child-learning once again. I feel like I’m pretty old to have to do this…..I feel very brave.

Yay for technology

Hearing aids have changed greatly in the past few years. My audiologist is ordering me a set that will have 20 channels!!!! He told me he would be able to restore my hearing with the aids to 90%. This is really amazing. While hiking the A.T., one night there was a weird sounding owl. My daughter was totally amazed that I could not hear any of its noise. The next morning everyone was talking about how it sounded like a monkey, perhaps I need to redo that portion of the hike, now so I can hear this bird.

Twenty channels….hum & no clicker.

M.E.

dealing with Deafness blog 2012

I’m not Deaf enough to be considered Deaf. I’m not hearing enough to be considered Hearing. So where does that put me? It put me in the middle-between two worlds. It puts me into a different space, a warp in this dimension, I’m alone. Walking down a busy street, sitting at the holiday table I move in a void of silence.

What’s funny is I listen more carefully now than I ever did when I could hear. I struggle to understand and have to focus on what is being said. It’s amazing how much of what is said is fluff….filler to connect human fibers together. To help us all feel like we fit & belong in this world. When I a missed a cue -the look of astonishment occurs-again.

Over the years I pretended that I understood…..while being utterly alone.

I know there are others like me here, we keep to ourselves. I wonder if they can recognize me by my facial expressions. I recognize them when I see the confused misery or resigned acceptance of not understanding. People who have no clue that their face is giving their lack of hearing away.

My husband & I were traveling in PA. We stopped at a quaint restaurant. It was early & very few customers had arrived. I sat facing the door. A little old man and woman appeared and drifted towards our table. The man walked with a thick book clutched under his arm. When they passed our table he stopped & looked at me. He put the book, which now revealed itself as a photo album, on our table. He looked into my eyes-words he wanted to say stuck in his mouth. I knew he had had his larynx removed. My immediate response was to ask him if he communicated with sign. My fingers eagerly formed the shapes. He backed off as if I’d shouted at him. I stopped. He pointed to the book and back to himself. I told him I’d look at this book. They sat in the booth behind us. I opened the book and saw a calliope of color. It was a profusion of beautiful blooms. I realized that this is his communication with the world. Page after page flowers so vibrant speaking in a clear voice….his love for this world.

Breakfast arrived & I returned his book. First, I told him (speaking & signing) how beautiful his garden was. Then I told him we make quite a pair. He has perfect hearing, but no voice. I have a remarkable voice, but no hearing. If we both could sign, then we could truly communicate. He continued to stare at me-not use to someone communicating back.

We left-I was sorry I didn’t live in PA.