just a dream…a nightmare

Posted on by under acceptance

Out of the swirling mist, a shape appears.  Indistinct, it gradually comes closer.  I hear a strange clanking noise, repetitive, harsh, sharp hollow sounds, gradually getting louder.

It’s a wagon of sorts on a railroad track, stuffed full of clowns leering their own sort of comedy.  It frightens me.  They lean forward, aware of my discomfort.  They are here for me.  To make fun of me.  Something I’d done-misunderstood by everyone.  I feel so alone.  I begin to contemplate every wrong I could have committed.  I want them to understand.  I want to explain…but what?  I can think of some things that were misconstrued.  This must be it…  Well, I’ll simply explain.  Then they will go away satisfied.

     I jump up upon the wagon.  I begin to explain.  One bulbous headed clown looks at me and smiles.  Not a friendly smile, rather one that condemns.  I keep talking hoping that they will listen.  Suddenly an arm hits me in the mouth.  This is not funny.  They have no right to judge me & condemn me.  I keep defending myself.  The more I talk the less they listen, but I don’t know what else to do.  Sharp slaps assault me.  I know this is useless.  One particular strong blow glances my cheek.  I’m dazed-amazed at their vengeance….still not sure what this is about.  I have a vague thoughts about what I might have done wrong….contemplating…I attempt to explain again.  I feel a blow that knocks me overboard, into a briar.

As I sit up I’m aware of many aches.  There were many blows from those I’ve never even met.  I fall into a stupor.  The clanking of the machinery fades.  I rest.

   Awakened again I hear the familiar sound of clanks and grinding wheels again.  Not again.  I can’t believe they would keep this going.  But, sure enough the wagon appears.  Many white faces, peering eyes, red fake smiles with sharp teeth glistening.  Here we go again, I think.  I raise up once again to defend myself.  What can I do?  I know they’re here for me.  Resigned I accept that they will not listen.  Mainly because I’m unsure what it is I have to defend.  A sense of calmness blankets me.  I know now that they will do their worst and nothing I say will change any of it.  I meet them with a calm eye and silent mind.  They lean forward….projecting their hate. I wait for them to pick me up, silently.

  As they near I smell their noxious breeze.  Expectant-ready for them to grab me again at moment’s notice.  I wait resigned.  Closer and closer they come, till they are right upon me.  I look up.   Met with silence-last minute- they swerve.  Amazed I watch as they follow the track around.  Meaningless shadowed humps.  Till they disappear.  I hear the sounds of faint protests accompanied by slaps.  They’ve moved on-distracted by another lost soul.  But, I know they or some like them will be back.

art quote/yep

Posted on by under art, paintings

“ The artist must summon all of his energy, his sincerity, and the greatest modesty in order to shatter the old clichés that come too easily to hand while working, which can suffocate the little flower that does not come, ever, the way one expects.” 

Matisse